


Waxing And Waning

by ColonelChanSan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, for akiteru week day three
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:58:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4902922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColonelChanSan/pseuds/ColonelChanSan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light cannot be created without a source.<br/>A firefly can't create light if it's dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waxing And Waning

**Author's Note:**

> I did this for Akiteru Week day 3  
> I hope you enjoy it!

**_1\. Full Moon_ **

He was on top of the world. The ace and captain of his middle school volleyball club. He shone the moment he stepped onto the court, like a bright light that could never be diminished.  His spike flew past the blockers, the other team’s libero unable to reach the ball in time and hit the court hard. Cheers soared, from both his team-mates and the parents watching.

“Number 4 did it again!” They said.

“That Tsukishima is quite the Ace.” They also said.

Among the cheers and the pats on the back, Akiteru looked up and noticed his little brother watching him from over the railings. He grinned wide and held up two fingers in a victory sign. His little brother returned the gesture, grinning just as wide, his cheeks pink with pride.

The ace and the captain. Sure.

But none of that compared to the wonderful feeling of having Kei’s love and admiration, to have his little brother look up at him with stars in his eyes.

It was what made him so passionate about volleyball in the first place.

That’s right.

If Akiteru was a bright light, then Kei was his source.

Like how a firefly creates light.

The Kei who let Akiteru exist.

* * *

 

**_2\. (Waning) Gibbous_ **

“Nii-chan, where are you going for high school?” His little brother asked.

“Karasuno!” Akiteru replies. He had decided on a school with a strong volleyball club, he was determined to make it to nationals in high school. He lost in the finals of the inter-high, and the rest of his school year was spent studying so he could make the entrance exams.

He didn’t expect things to be casual or easy-going once he joined on the first day of high school. Of course not. But he was overwhelmed by just how hard it really was, even though school had just started. The coach, Ukai, was like a demon. Trainings were intense and nothing like Akiteru was used to.

But most of all, Akiteru could already see the level of skill he’d have to catch up to. With his seniors, it was expected. But some of his fellow first years were already high up there as well. Akiteru was determined to make it as a first-year regular. He gave it his all through the hellish trainings and even stayed behind to practice on his own. He’d collapse from exhaustion once he reached the entrance-way of his home, but Kei running towards him excitedly sent a spark through him, and when Kei looked him the way he did, with stars, the spark ignited the flames of motivation and tenacity.

Akiteru loved volleyball, that much was clear. He enjoyed it, it was fun. He was good at it. He wanted to do anything he could to get a chance to play for Karasuno.

Volleyball was everything to him.

But Kei meant even more.

* * *

 

**_3\. Half Full (Third Quarter)_ **

He didn’t receive a numbered jersey, but that was okay. He was just a first year after all. And the first years who did just made it as bench-warmers. It was fine. There many other second and even third years who didn’t make it, despite training just as hard as everyone else in the club. There were only six positions on the court, and there was a limit to the amount of bench strength you could have.

At the end of the day, it was the coach’s decision. He doubts it was an easy one, too.

But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to tell his little brother. Maybe it was because, despite how much Akiteru told himself it was fine and that it’s just how it is, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Maybe even a little angry at himself for not being good enough. Afraid Kei would feel the same way.

But it was okay. Because there was the spring high later in the year, and then there was next year and the year after that. He’d tell Kei he was playing now, because he most definitely would later.

Karasuno lost at the inter-high finals, but it was one hell of a fight. Akiteru found himself cheering from the stands, shouting through cones and waving plastic bottles with stones in them. He wanted to cheer on his club, but at the same time, it was frustrating, because it should have been him down there giving it his all.

So that’s why, the very next day, Akiteru approached the coach during club activities. He asked what he was doing wrong, what he needed to improve on, what weaknesses he needed to strengthen, what strengths he should hone. Akiteru heeded all his coach’s advice, he did his best to keep up with the training, he stayed behind for self-practice.

Training camps and practice matches, one after the other.

The spring high rolled around.

Akiteru still didn’t get a numbered jersey.

* * *

 

**_4\. (Waning) Crescent_ **

It was his second year of high school now, and Akiteru was sure he’d definitely make it as a regular.

But nothing was more unexpected than a short guy with curly, black hair slamming open the gym doors and declaring that he was going to be ace on the very first day of training.

The second and third years laughed. But Akiteru didn’t. As ridiculous as he found such a declaration, he recognised the type of fire in the first year’s eyes. He was passionate and determined. Akiteru could tell he was willing to work hard and do what it takes to become the ace, just like Akiteru. While others looked down on him for his short stature, and as they soon found out, his amateur skills in volleyball, Akiteru saw in him a rival.

Someone with that amount of fire, like a flaming sun, was to be feared.

He was also just as intense as the burning heat, and Akiteru swore he left scorch marks on his skin, whenever he asked “Senpai” for help, or when his eyes flashed dark during his more competitive moments.

But nothing burnt as painful, as if it was searing a hole through him, as watching the first year with the curly hair receive a jersey.

The night before the match of his second inter-high, Akiteru talked with his brother outside, throwing a volleyball against the headboard of the basketball hoop and catching it, tossing it back again. Kei mentioned the butcher lady saying it was amazing Akiteru was part of The Karasuno Volleyball Club.

Amazing, Akiteru repeated in his head. They sure were amazing. But Akiteru wasn’t part of the reason why. He told Kei not to come to the game because he’d be too nervous with him watching. A stupid lie, because he had always had Kei watching before. Kei watching motivated him even more. But it was okay. It was just for now. His second spring high would be later in the year and he’d definitely make a spot on the team then. Especially since some of third years would be leaving.

“Then, that makes you the Ace!” Kei declares upon Akiteru telling him he plays the same position from middle school. Akiteru pauses. He could tell Kei no, he’s not the ace. He could tell Kei the truth that he wasn’t even playing at all.

But would Kei be so disappointed in him he’d hate him? Would Kei’s heart break in two to see his hero was no more? Akiteru was already so cut up about not having made it despite how hard he tried, he couldn’t handle Kei’s disappointment either.

Akiteru turned to him with a smile.

“Guess so!”

* * *

 

**_5\. New Moon_ **

It was sudden when he caught Kei’s eye across the court. It felt like it was stuck in an eternal space. Everything slowed around him, all the sounds became dull. All he could see was Kei. But the eyes he looked at Akiteru with weren’t ones filled with stars. They were dim. Blank. Kei didn’t even look disappointed. He didn’t look at Akiteru like anything.

That cut even deeper than disappointment ever would.

It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

Akiteru was supposed to be down there on the court playing.

Ace or not, he just wanted to play volleyball.

He wanted to feel that great feeling that came with playing volleyball.

He wanted to be Kei’s hero. He wanted Kei to love volleyball too. He knew Kei’s love for volleyball stemmed from his admiration of Akiteru. Akiteru didn’t want Kei to hate volleyball. He didn’t want Kei to hate him.

He tried to protect that. Kei’s happiness, Kei’s passion.

He didn’t want to lie.

He didn’t know what else to do.

He was scared.

And everything he feared was now happening right in front of him, because his little brother snuck to the game to support Akiteru on his last inter-high.

But it wasn’t Kei’s fault.

It was all Akiteru.

Everything was his fault.

Akiteru broke.

He tore posters from his walls, knocked over magazines and books from his shelves, threw down his desk chair and pushed everything off his desk. He screamed and thrashed and by the time he wore himself down, he was nothing but a pile of pathetic-ness, hunched over on the floor, sobbing as he clutched his club jacket for dear life, even though it had been the source of all this pain.

He just wanted to play volleyball. He just wanted Kei to love volleyball too.

But now Kei hates him.

A firefly can only stop making light when it’s dead.

And light cannot be created without a source.

Akiteru stopped existing.

* * *

 

_**6\. (Waxing) Crescent** _

As a third year who wasn’t even a regular, he was made to quit volleyball club after the inter-high, to focus on studying for university entrance exams. But Akiteru just felt empty inside, simply going through the motions of real life. He didn’t have volleyball anymore. But worst of all, he didn’t have his little brother anymore. Kei would stay in his room when he came home, or he’d stay at Tadashi’s. During meal time, he’d sit next to Akiteru like he always did, but he wouldn’t look at him. He wouldn’t even talk to him.

It was hard being in this house.

It was probably harder for Kei.

Akiteru made the decision to move out for university.

He didn’t want to leave Kei, but he needed his space.

Besides, it was just in the city. He wasn’t that far. Maybe by the time Akiteru comes to visit, maybe even the first phone call home, Kei would have forgiven him, would want to talk to him.

Yeah. Maybe some space is all Kei needed.

Akiteru would wait. He would wait as long as it took. He’d never give up on Kei.

Never.

But it was still hard. Sometimes he’d think he was wasting time. That Kei would never forgive him. That Kei would forever hate him, no matter how long he waited.

That he didn’t deserve to be forgiven and Kei has no right to.

The first night he spent in his new apartment was cold and lonely.

The first day of university was just as scary. So many times he wanted to just run home, pick Kei up in his arms and hold him tight, breathe in his scent.

It felt like there was a chain and ball clasped around his ankle, his burdens dragging him down, the ghost of Kei from _that day_  constantly haunting him…

Akiteru’s eyes fell to the bulletin board of his university. He noticed a flyer for the volleyball club. He could join. This school didn’t have a strong team, so he might get in.

He missed volleyball. He so badly wanted to play it.

But he hesitated.

His eyes fell to another flyer instead.

It was for volleyball as well, but for a local team.

‘Kaji Wild Dogs,’ said the flyer.

Akiteru took that one off the board.

He followed the address that was on the flyer, leading to the town gymnasium. He checked the time to make sure. The flyer said they start training now.

He walks in the gym and a group of older men turned to look at him. They seemed to be in their early to mid twenties. Akiteru was barely 18. He holds up the flyer nervously.

“I’m here to join the team?” He felt like such a kid. He should have just joined the university team.

“Is that so?” The oldest of the men approached him. He was about the same height as Akiteru, with long eyelashes, and broad. “Know anything about volleyball?”

Akiteru nodded. “Been playing since I was 8 for the boys scouts club.”

“So you’re definitely no amateur.”

“No, sir.”

“Then how about you prove it? Show us what you’re made of. Akaizawa, by the way.”

“Tsukishima,” Akiteru says, shaking the man’s hand.

* * *

 

**_7\. Half Full (First Quarter)_ **

It’s been five years since Akiteru moved out, five years since his little brother stopped talking to him. Whenever Akiteru visited in the past, Kei would lock himself in his room, only coming out at meal times. Just like when Akiteru was living at home. Whenever Akiteru called, Kei would refuse the phone from their mother. But one summer, mid-August, Akiteru had been waiting for Kei to come home from practice. It had been almost a year since he saw him last, and was taken aback by how much he had grown in that time. He was even taller than Akiteru was now.

“Nii-chan,” Kei said, his voice deeper than what it once was but the way he used that affectionate name for Akiteru was still the same.

However, even though Akiteru reached out his hand to Kei, offering to connect again, just like all the other times he did before, he didn’t expect Kei to reach back this time either. He had hoped. But he wasn’t going to expect anything.

He was sure taken aback when Kei had come back downstairs from his bath and asked Akiteru if they could talk.

There was something different about Kei, Akiteru noticed. Like something had shifted or changed. It was in his expression, in his body language. Akiteru could always read Kei like an open book, even now.

They went in the backyard, Kei sat by the porch while Akiteru tossed a volleyball on the headboard of the basketball hoop, just like he used to back then.

Kei began to ask questions and Akiteru answered them. Yes, he’s on a team, yes, he plays tournaments. But Akiteru knew the one question Kei couldn’t dare ask, so he asked it for him.

“Why are you still playing even though it was like that in high school?”

Because it was like that in high school.

Akiteru loved volleyball too much to accept what happened in Karasuno. He loved volleyball too much to just give up just because he wasn’t 'good enough.’ He loved volleyball because it was fun. He knew what made volleyball fun. And he wanted to feel that feeling for the rest of his life.

And he wanted Kei to feel it too.

“I see. Is that so,” Kei says, and then he smiles, staring at the ground in front of him. Akiteru looks away and smiles softly to himself too.

It’s been so long since he’s smiled with his brother, so long since they had a peaceful moment just the two of them.

Akiteru felt within him a glow.

* * *

 

_**8\. (Waxing) Gibbous** _

He stood nervously by the railings, watching his little brother play for the team he never could. Watching his brother play against the strongest team in the prefecture.

It’s just that, he wasn’t allowed.

Kei told him not to come.

Akiteru got the feeling it had to do with more than just his teen rebellious phase, but even so, he absolutely could not allow Kei to see he was there. He almost got caught before the game even started.

Akiteru cheered when he wouldn’t stand out for it, but kept low whenever Kei did something amazing. God, how he wanted to cheer at the top of his lungs, especially when Kei blocked Ushijima Wakatoshi, the Super Ace of Shiratorizawa. But he couldn’t. He just can’t. He can’t risk upsetting Kei.

But there’s no way he was going to miss this match. Not in a million years.

He watched Kei with pride, feeling happy that he wore the sports glasses Akiteru had given him for a his birthday a few weeks back. Feeling happy that he noticed that Kei’s trainings with the Kaji Wild Dogs was paying off.

It was getting harder and harder to keep it all in though, he swore he was going to burst and when Karasuno won, he cheered loud and proud. Then suddenly, among his cheering team-mates, Kei looked up and their eyes locked.

Akiteru froze, scared now that Kei was angry at him. Scared Kei would stop talking to him again for disobeying him for God knows how long. He noticed Kei had huffed and rolled his eyes but was caught off-guard when Kei held up two fingers in the victory sign towards him, looking away with a slight pout. Akiteru blinked, registering what was happening. He felt tears in his eyes as he grinned, returning the gesture back to his little brother. Kei looked back at him and drew his hand back, nodded once and returned to his cheering team-mates.

The relief that Kei wasn’t angry in him washed over him and he took a step back to sit on the seats. Tears streamed down his face and he wiped them away with his hands.

The glow became stronger.

This was the happiest he felt in the longest time.

* * *

 

**_9\. Full Moon_ **

Akiteru stretched, warming himself up before the game started. His team’s setter tossed a couple of volleyballs while another spiked them. Their game was about to begin any second now.

“Hey, Tsukishima,” Akaizawa nudged him. Akiteru turned towards him and he gestured upwards towards the stands. Akiteru looked up and was surprised to see Kei there, leaning against the railing, head in hand. Akiteru gave him a small wave and Kei waved back with a small smile.

Akiteru felt a spark from the glow within him, one he was all too familiar with, the same one Kei had managed to ignite within him years ago.

The game started.

Akiteru had never played like this before, like he was on fire. The last time must have been back when he was in middle school.

That feeling of being on top of the world.

Like he was capable of anything.

The Kaji Wild Dogs had won.

There was cheering and back pats and hair ruffles and when Akiteru finally had a moment to breathe, he looked up at Kei again and sent him a victory sign with the widest grin he could manage.

Kei gave one back, smiling, the happiest smile Akiteru had seen him smile in so very long. It wasn’t like the wide grins he used to do as a kid, but the stars in his eyes…

The stars in his eyes as he looked at Akiteru were one in the same.

He had volleyball back, but most of all, he had his little brother back.

Akiteru shone bright again.

He will continue shining bright.

As long as his firefly was there, that light can exist.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I've always found it a cute match, how Akiteru's name means "bright light" and Kei's means "firefly"


End file.
